The Silmarillion For Idiots
by randomwriter96
Summary: Finally, *Chapter 5 up!* (Very sorry for the long wait!) The very condensed version of the Silmarillion. Very. Not in offense to this wonderful book. Rating may change later.
1. Ainulindalë

The Silmarillion For Idiots  
  
randomwriter96  
  
Disclaimer: ...*sigh* I don't own LOTR...yet...  
  
Note: This is a very (and I mean, VERY) condensed version of the Silmarillion and in writing this, I am in no way disrespecting the great J.R.R. Tolkien...hopefully. *hides as people bring out the tomatoes*  
  
I have changed the title as "The Silmarillion for Dummies" belongs to Andtauriel Longwood Baggins. Very sorry!  
  
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AINULINDALË  
  
The Music of the Ainur  
  
+++++  
  
There is the One (aka the god of all gods). Called Eru. Also called Ilúvatar.  
  
Ilúvatar make Ainur (also gods..but smaller gods).  
  
Ilúvatar decide Ainur will make pretty music.  
  
Ainur makes pretty music.  
  
Melkor (a smaller god) very smart but very bad (evil-wise).  
  
Melkor make icky music.  
  
Pretty music no go well with icky music.  
  
Ilúvatar wave hand and make new music.  
  
Melkor make more icky music.  
  
Ilúvatar not very happy.  
  
Ilúvatar mad.  
  
Ainur scared.  
  
Melkor secretly angry.  
  
Ilúvatar show Ainur World (aka Arda) they make out of music. Ainur see Elves and Men (aka Children of Ilúvatar).  
  
Ainur go "Oooooo".  
  
Elves much like water.  
  
Ulmo (another smaller god) gets to rule water stuff.  
  
Manwë (yet another smaller god) gets to rule air and windy stuff.  
  
Aulë (and yet another smaller god) gets to rule earthy stuff.  
  
Ainur see Darkness.  
  
Ainur anxious.  
  
Ilúvatar says, "Let things be!"  
  
Ainur say "Ok".  
  
Ainur gets new name: Valar, the Powers of the World.  
  
Ainur happy.  
  
Then Melkor say, "I want to rule the World!"  
  
Valar not so happy.  
  
Valar and Melkor whack each other a few times.  
  
Valar make stuff.  
  
Melkor destroy the stuff.  
  
Valar not happy.  
  
Elves have no clue what's going on.  
  
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Well, I hope I did some accurate condensing. :o) Short because I'm doing this chapter by chapter. Let me know if you want more. *points subtlely at review button* 


	2. Valaquenta

The Silmarillion For Idiots  
  
randomwriter96  
  
Disclaimer: ..*sigh* I don't own LOTR..yet.  
  
Note: This is a very (and I mean, VERY) condensed version of the Silmarillion and in writing this, I am in no way disrespecting the great J.R.R. Tolkien..hopefully. *hides as people bring out the tomatoes*  
  
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VALAQUENTA  
  
Account of the Valar and Maiar according to the lore of the Eldar*  
  
+++++  
  
Music make World.  
  
Ilúvatar has pretty Secret Fire (aka Eä).  
  
Eä sent to center of World.  
  
Ainur decide live in World.  
  
Seven Lords of Valar.  
  
Seven Queens of Valar.  
  
Seven plus seven equals fourteen.  
  
Lords: Manwë, Ulmo, Aulë, Oromë, Mandos, Lórien, and Tulkas.  
  
Queens: Varda, Yavanna, Nienna, Estë, Vairë, Vána, and Nessa.  
  
Melkor not counted as a god.  
  
Too bad for Melkor.  
  
Birds like Manwë lots.  
  
Manwë rule air and earthy stuff.  
  
Manwë wed Varda.  
  
Varda rule star stuff.  
  
Ulmo rule water stuff.  
  
Ulmo bachelor.  
  
Ulmo has great horn.  
  
And I mean real horn, not nasty horn.  
  
Aulë rule earthy stuff.  
  
Aulë good smith.  
  
Aulë wed Yavanna.  
  
Yavanna rule earthy, fruity stuff.  
  
Melkor ruin much earthy stuff.  
  
Aulë and Yavanna not so happy.  
  
Mandos also called Námo.  
  
Mandos rule dead spirits and stuff.  
  
Mandos wed Vairë.  
  
Vairë rule weavy, story stuff.  
  
Lórien also called Irmo.  
  
Lórien rule vision, dreamy stuff.  
  
Lórien has garden named after self.  
  
Lórien wed Estë.  
  
Estë ruler of healer stuff.  
  
Nienna ruler of griefy and mourny stuff.  
  
Nienna bachelorette.  
  
Tulkas ruler of strengthy, wrestler stuff.  
  
Tulkas wed Nessa.  
  
Nessa ruler of swifty, wild, deer stuff.  
  
Oromë brother of Nessa.  
  
Oromë ruler of hunt-bad-things stuff.  
  
Oromë also has great horn.  
  
NOT nasty horn. Real horn.  
  
Oromë wed Vána.  
  
Vána ruler of flowery, birdy stuff.  
  
No more weddings. (whew...)  
  
Eldar think Valar very pretty.  
  
Maiar: people of Valar.  
  
Maiar servants and helpers of Valar.  
  
Four chief Maiar: Ilmarë, Eönwë, Ossë, and Uinen.  
  
Ilmarë handmaid of Varda.  
  
Eönwë banner-bearer and herald of Manwë.  
  
Ossë vassal of Ulmo.  
  
Ossë master of shore water stuff.  
  
Ossë wed Uinen.  
  
Ok, NOW no more weddings...  
  
Uinen Lady of the Seas.  
  
Uinen calm angry seas.  
  
Melkor not like Sea.  
  
Melian also Maia.  
  
Melian serve Vána and Estë.  
  
Wisest Maiar Olórin.  
  
Olórin learn pity and patience from Nienna.  
  
Olórin much love Elves.  
  
Melkor not so very nice.  
  
Melkor big liar.  
  
Big big liar.  
  
Melkor has much power.  
  
This not good.  
  
Melkor has much Balrogs.  
  
Balrogs not so friendly.  
  
Sauron Maiar of Aulë.  
  
Sauron turn evil.  
  
Sauron Melkor's servant.  
  
This really not good.  
********************************************************  
  
* Eldar: "the People of the Stars" (aka the Elves). 


	3. Quenta Silmarillion: Of the Beginning of...

The Silmarillion For Idiots  
  
randomwriter96  
  
Disclaimer: ..*sigh* I don't own LOTR..yet.  
  
Note: This is a very (and I mean, VERY) condensed version of the Silmarillion and in writing this, I am in no way disrespecting the great J.R.R. Tolkien..hopefully. *hides as people bring out the tomatoes*  
  
********************************************************  
  
QUENTA SILMARILLION  
  
The History of the Silmarils  
  
+++++  
  
Of The Beginning Of Days  
  
+++++  
  
There be a First War.  
  
Melkor not like Valar.  
  
Valar not like Melkor.  
  
Valar and Melkor fight.  
  
Melkor start winning.  
  
This not make Valar very happy.  
  
Strong spirit thing come to aid of Valar.  
  
Strong spirit thing called Tulkas.  
  
Melkor run far far away from Tulkas.  
  
Valar go "Yay!"  
  
Tulkas become one of Valar.  
  
Melkor hate Tulkas muchly.  
  
Valar decided they can't see without light.  
  
Aulë make two big pretty lights.  
  
Varda fill lights with...light.  
  
Manwë go "Ohm" and make lights sacred.  
  
Valar put pretty lights on high pillars.  
  
Very high pillars.  
  
Pillars we can't quite reach.  
  
One pretty light put near the north.  
  
That pretty light called Illuin.  
  
Other pretty light put near south.  
  
And that pretty light called Ormal.  
  
They called Lamps of the Valar.  
  
So light therefore goes all around and around.  
  
No night.  
  
Nope.  
  
Yavanna's seeds began to grow.  
  
Much greeny, grassy, leafy, bushy, mossy stuff appear.  
  
Poof.  
  
Animals appear too.  
  
Valar first live in place called Isle of Almaren in Middle-earth.  
  
Isle is in great lake.  
  
Great lake called..Great Lake.  
  
Valar happy.  
  
Manwë not only happy, but hungry.  
  
Manwë decide there shall be a feast.  
  
Big feast.  
  
All Valar and their people-servants-stuffers invited.  
  
Aulë and Tulkas work lots.  
  
Therefore tired.  
  
Melkor plotting again.  
  
Has spies and evil stuffers.  
  
Therefore Melkor knows of feast.  
  
Melkor gather all evil people.  
  
Melkor still mad.  
  
Valar gathered on Isle.  
  
Valar not fear evil.  
  
Valar happy.  
  
Valar very unprepared.  
  
(Should give Valar Prepare-for-Evil-At-All-Times book).  
  
Illuin (pretty light in north if you forgot) is pretty big light.  
  
Therefore block out shadow of Melkor.  
  
Stupid light.  
  
Tulkas go sleepy.  
  
Melkor go to Middle-earth in far north.  
  
Build big evil fortress.  
  
Valar still not notice.  
  
Melkor decide call fortress Utumno.  
  
Evilness and stuffers spread.  
  
Greeny, grassy, leafy, bushy, mossy stuff start dying.  
  
In essence, land starts going "Blecch".  
  
Animals become evil things.  
  
Valar finally notice.  
  
Valar search for Utumno.  
  
Melkor spontaneously begin war.  
  
Melkor break Illuin and Ormal (the two big pretty lights).  
  
Land starts breaking.  
  
Sea goes all tsunami-like.  
  
Lamp ignite land.  
  
Land on fire.  
  
Fire spread.  
  
So shape of Arda messed up.  
  
Never same again.  
  
*sob*  
  
Melkor escaped.  
  
Valar mad.  
  
Valar decide try restore earth instead of running after Melkor.  
  
Valar confused.  
  
Not know where Children of Ilúvatar live.  
  
Seems like Valar not know lots of things.  
  
The Isle utterly destroyed.  
  
Valar leave Middle-earth.  
  
Went to Land of Aman.  
  
Land of Aman westernmost of all lands on borders of the world.  
  
As west as you can go.  
  
Valar be smart now.  
  
Valar fortify dwelling.  
  
Valar raise tall tall mountains.  
  
Called Pelóri, the Mountains of Aman.  
  
Manwë sit on pretty throne on tallest mountain.  
  
Elves call tallest mountain Taniquetil.  
  
Also called Oiolossë Everlasting Whiteness.  
  
Also called Elerrína Crowned with Stars.  
  
And lots and lots of other names.  
  
Methinks one is good enough.  
  
Valar call dwelling Valinor.  
  
Valinor has houses, gardens, and towers.  
  
Much light stored.  
  
Much pretty things stored.  
  
Valinor more pretty than Middle-earth.  
  
No one dies.  
  
Not even flowers.  
  
Lucky flowers.  
  
Valar done building Valinor.  
  
Valar build city in midst of plain beyond the mountains.  
  
City called Valmar of many bells.  
  
Pretty green hill-mound-thing right by Valmar's western gate.  
  
Pretty green hill-mound-thing called Ezellohar.  
  
Also called Corollairë.  
  
Yavanna sit on hill and look pretty and sing.  
  
Nienna cry all over hill.  
  
Rest of Valar listen on thrones in Ring of Doom (Máhanaxar) near gates of Valmar.  
  
Song make two pretty trees.  
  
Trees called Two Trees of Valinor.  
  
One is pretty and silver and stuffers.  
  
Other is pretty and gold and stuffers.  
  
Silvery tree called Telperion (and Silpion and Ninquelótë and lots more names...).  
  
Goldeny tree called Laurelin (and Malinalda and Culúrien and lots more names..).  
  
Trees wax and wane in 7 hours.  
  
Telperion all pretty and lighty, then an hour before grow dim, Laurelin go all pretty and lighty.  
  
And vice versa.  
  
If confused, think moon and sun.  
  
Valar call it Opening Hour when Telperion go all pretty and lighty.  
  
Dews of Telperion and rain of Laurelin hoarded in big vats and stuff.  
  
Each day contain 12 hours.  
  
Now begin Count of Time.  
  
Also begin Days of the Bliss of Valinor.  
  
Melkor still walking about.  
  
Aulë make much stuff.  
  
Lots of lore and knowledge of Earth come from Aulë.  
  
Aulë smart.  
  
Aulë called Friend of the Noldor.  
  
Noldor (group of Elves...will be explained in later chapters) most skilled of the Elves.  
  
Noldor add to teaching.  
  
Noldor make broidery, drawing, carving, speaking, and writing.  
  
Noldor first make pretty gems.  
  
Prettiest gems Silmarils (also explained in later chapters).  
  
They are lost.  
  
Hawks and eagles and stuff bring Arda news to Manwë 24/7.  
  
Still lots of things hidden.  
  
Hawks and eagles need better eyes.  
  
Manwë love the Vanyar (yet another group of Elves).  
  
Vanyar get song and poetry from Manwë.  
  
The Teleri (and yet another group of Elves) learn much from Ulmo.  
  
Teleri sing sad and enchanting songs.  
  
Yavanna miss land Melkor ruined.  
  
She want Valar make war on Melkor.  
  
Oromë (if forget, brother of Nessa, wife of Tulkas) has pretty white horse.  
  
Horse called Nahar.  
  
Oromë and horse fight evil bad animal-creatures.  
  
Oromë blow great big REAL horn.  
  
Melkor afraid.  
  
Children of Ilúvatar not quite know how they got to Earth.  
  
Oh well.  
  
Ilúvatar make Elves immortal.  
  
Make Men not immortal.  
  
Elves has gift of being the fairest and very pretty.  
  
However, Men has gift of being able to seek stuff and not stop until find stuff and have virtue to shape life.  
  
Elves seem to have better end of deal.  
  
Men often grief to Manwë.  
  
Men stray often and stuffers.  
  
Men more easily be evil.  
  
Not cool.  
  
Elves can die by grief or slain.  
  
Can also die when world die.  
  
Can get tired of world after about ten thousand centuries.  
  
Melkor still evil.  
  
Ilúvatar not reveal purpose of Elves after world go bye.  
  
Melkor not discover it.  
  
I no see importance of that.  
  
This be an awkward ending.  
  
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:D Like? No like? *points to review button below* You know you want to.. 


	4. Quenta Silmarillion: Of Aulë and Yavanna

The Silmarillion For Idiots  
  
randomwriter96  
  
Disclaimer: ..*sigh* I don't own LOTR..yet.  
  
Note: This is a very (and I mean, VERY) condensed version of the Silmarillion and in writing this, I am in no way disrespecting the great J.R.R. Tolkien..hopefully. *hides as people bring out the tomatoes*  
  
Note2: This is a short chapter in the book, so I did not deliberately shorten it here. Therefore, the next chapter should come out quicker.  
  
At the urging of reviewers, I have updated now. I apologize for the slowness. -_- I have been working on other stories and homework is hell by itself. ^^; Well, enjoy.  
  
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QUENTA SILMARILLION  
  
The History of the Silmarils  
  
+++++  
  
Of Aulë and Yavanna  
  
+++++  
  
Aulë impatient.  
  
Very impatient.  
  
Decide make Dwarves.  
  
Make in secret.  
  
Because other Valar might not like it.  
  
Ilúvatar definitely would not like it.  
  
Aulë make in mountain the Seven Fathers of the Dwarves.  
  
Reminds me of Snow White.  
  
Ignore comment and move on.  
  
Ilúvatar find out.  
  
Ilúvatar not so very happy.  
  
Aulë make big, long, pretty speech on why he made Dwarves.  
  
Then cry as about to destroy Dwarves with hammer.  
  
Ilúvatar sympathize (of course).  
  
Let Aulë keep his Dwarves.  
  
Aulë say "Yay!" and be happy.  
  
Ilúvatar say Elves not like Dwarves and Dwarves not like Elves.  
  
Aulë not really care as still is happy.  
  
Dwarves end up being strong.  
  
Really really strong.  
  
And live very very long.  
  
Wow. I just rhymed.  
  
Finally, Aulë tell Yavanna about Dwarves.  
  
Yavanna not so happy.  
  
Because Dwaves could ruin pretty trees and pretty grass and pretty...yeah.  
  
Yavanna talk to Manwë.  
  
Ask if Children (all living things made by gods in general) will rule Middle-earth.  
  
Manwë talk for a bit.  
  
Can be summed up as "Duh".  
  
Yavanna make long speech about importance of trees and grass and all earthy stuff.  
  
Methinks Yavanna a bit obsessed.  
  
Manwë listen to Yavanna.  
  
Weird Vision and Song of Ilúvatar "unfolds" in him.  
  
Then Manwë talks to Yavanna and completely changes subject...seemingly.  
  
Yavanna somehow happy.  
  
Talks about trees growing really high so Eagles can live in them.  
  
Pretty Eagles.  
  
Manwë say no.  
  
Says Eagles will house in mountains.  
  
Only Aulë's trees grow really high.  
  
And there will be Shepherds of the Trees (aka Ents) to protect trees and earthy stuff.  
  
Maybe they not change subject after all.  
  
Yavanna talk to Aulë.  
  
Basically say "Nyah nyah! Dwarves can live on Middle-earth, but if try destroy trees, Ents will smoosh them like jelly. Mwahahaha!"  
  
Aulë blink and say "Ok..."  
  
And continue on with his smith-work.  
  
********************************************************  
  
:D Like? No like? *points to review button below* You know you want to.. 


	5. Quenta Silmarillion: Of the Coming of th...

The Silmarillion For Idiots  
  
randomwriter96  
  
Disclaimer: ..*sigh* I don't own LOTR..yet.  
  
Note: This is a very (and I mean, VERY) condensed version of the Silmarillion and in writing this, I am in no way disrespecting the great J.R.R. Tolkien..hopefully. *hides as people bring out the tomatoes*  
  
At the urging of reviewers and the pleasantry of a weekend (of which I should be studying for an AP test..), I have updated now. I apologize IMMENSELY for the slowness. -_- I have been working on other stories muchly and homework is hell by itself. I'm sorry! *gives Keebler Elf cookies that say "Do you believe in Elves?" on the back to everyone* Enjoy! And don't throw tomatoes or jab pointy sticks at- *ducks* Aw, hell.  
  
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QUENTA SILMARILLION  
  
The History of the Silmarils  
  
+++++  
  
Of the Coming of the Elves and the Captivity of Melkor  
  
+++++  
Valar blissful in happy place in light of Trees.  
  
Since Lamps go bye, Middle-Earth all dark.  
  
Very dark.  
  
Night, even.  
  
Thus dark oldish stuff arises in forests.  
  
Valar decide oldish stuff creepy.  
  
Not go to forests.  
  
Smart Valar.  
  
Except Yavanna, obsessor of nature.  
  
And Oromë, for no good reason whatsoever.  
  
Yavanna cry.  
  
Because green pretty stuff not growing.  
  
Because dark.  
  
No photosynthesis.  
  
Valar have no idea what photosynthesis is, so we move on.  
  
As Melkor is evil, he must build evil place (Utumno) to live evilly in.  
  
Evil things walk in Middle-Earth now.  
  
That can't be good.  
  
Some evil things are corrupted spirits.  
  
That spontaneously be like Melkor.  
  
Have whips of flame and all that good stuff.  
  
Called Balrogs. (dundundun!)  
  
Melkor's realm spread south.  
  
Because south is good place to spread.  
  
Melkor decide one big evil realm not good enough.  
  
Build another realm.  
  
Called Angband, commanded by Sauron, the lieutenant.  
  
Bad Sauron.  
  
Yavanna and Oromë tell Valar there be evil stuff in Middle-Earth (Outer Lands).  
  
Valar go "Hmm. That can't be good."  
  
Hold council.  
  
Yavanna talk some more: "We will have hope. Our Children will awake. We must fight Melkor."  
  
Yavanna be quite liberal, no?  
  
Tulkas go "War! War! War!"  
  
Mandos talk for Manwë because Manwë busy eating Twinkies. (or in some other way, speech-deficient).  
  
Mandos say: "No. Children come later in more evil times. Yes, that is good plan. They will look to Varda for help because she's pretty."  
  
Varda stand up and decide to observe stars.  
  
Is Melkor not concern anymore?!  
  
Melkor = Evil!  
  
End of author rant.  
  
Varda decide not enough stars and make more from Telperion's dews.  
  
Apparantly great labor and all Valar go "Oooh. How pretty!"  
  
Now Varda gets some nicknames: Tintallë, the Kindler; Elentári, Queen of the Stars.  
  
She decides name stars: Carnil, Luinil, Nénar, etc.  
  
Put stars together into constellations.  
  
Menelmacar one of these. (think Orion with the shiny belt)  
  
When Menelmacar go up, Elves "awake".  
  
Awake from deep sleep by Cuiviénen, Water of Awakening.  
  
Also known as pretty lake thing.  
  
Elves first see stars.  
  
Poof, Elves love stars.  
  
Varda go "All right! They love me, yes they do."  
  
Elves first hear water.  
  
They like water lots.  
  
Call themselves Quendi and begin to talk muchly.  
  
Give everything names. (no wonder 'chloroplast' sounds so funny....)  
  
Coincidentally, Oromë riding on big horse, Nahar, towards Elves.  
  
Nahar go "NEIIIIGH."  
  
Oromë go "Hm. I hear singing. What could it be, considering Varda can't make stars without me noticing? I shall go and find out."  
  
Oromë finds out.  
  
Oromë think Elves pretty and nice.  
  
Valar go "Oooh. So THAT'S where the Elves went. Yay. We found them."  
  
Elves become all great and beautiful.  
  
But fear Oromë.  
  
Because Melkor sneaky.  
  
Melkor send evil stuff to spy on Elves and waylay them.  
  
How evil of the evil stuff.  
  
So any stray Elves go bye.  
  
Other Elves go "Oh no! Must be Oromë's fault."  
  
Elves so moved by this that they make songs out of it.  
  
Many songs.  
  
As you can tell, Melkor not like Oromë very much.  
  
Some Elves not so smart.  
  
Go "Oh, let's wander over to Melkor's evil side for curiosity's sake."  
  
They are put in prisons in Utumno.  
  
Made into Orcs through torture.  
  
Author pity Elves muchly.  
  
Orcs multiply muchly.  
  
Do not ask author how.  
  
Author does not know and does not want to know.  
  
But Orcs have nice side: they hate Melkor.  
  
Way to go, Melkor.  
  
Oromë return to Valar to report shadows that were making Elves go bye.  
  
Valar go "Hm. Would be good for Elves if we protect them from evil shadowy things. Make us look very godly."  
  
Manwë go "I know! We take over Middle Earth (Arda) and shadow things go bye."  
  
Aulë sad.  
  
No like destroy pretty things on Middle Earth.  
  
Valar go "War! War! War!"  
  
And there be a war.  
  
Valar fight Melkor in North-west region.  
  
Boom. Bang. Crash.  
  
Region pretty much destroyed.  
  
Valar go "Woo! We won!"  
  
Valar put guard around Elves at Cuiviénen.  
  
Elves have no idea war is going on.  
  
Even though they hear Earth shake, water move, and big bonfire- like....fires.  
  
Random Elf: "Hm. Nope. There's no war. Maybe Valar be ten-pin bowling..."  
  
Valar attack Utumno.  
  
Lots more Boom. Bang. Crash.  
  
Somehow Great Sea grow wide and deep.  
  
Lots of little bays made.  
  
Back to war.  
  
Gates of Utumno fell down.  
  
Melkor hide in uttermost pit (because, as you know, the Valar can't find him in a pit. Nope. Never.)  
  
Tulkas wrestle Melkor.  
  
Melkor loses.  
  
Is bound with chain (called Angainor) Aulë made.  
  
Middle-Earth will have peace for long time.  
  
Valar decide "Ach. We got Melkor. We done."  
  
And take Melkor back to Valinor.  
  
Still lots of evil things LINGERING.  
  
LINGERING, I said!  
  
Valar go "La dee da."  
  
Melkor is blindfolded and brought to Ring of Doom.  
  
Melkor go "I want out..please."  
  
Manwë say "Mwahahaha! No."  
  
Melkor thrown into inescapable prison in fastness of Mandos for three ages.  
  
Mandos go "Yay..."  
  
Valar in council again and talk about Elves.  
  
They are divided and debating.  
  
Ulmo chief of one half and say "Let the Elves be free!"  
  
Other half say "No! Must protect them from evil! We must be godly!"  
  
That half won.  
  
Ulmo say "Crap."  
  
Elves summoned to Valinor.  
  
To be under light of Trees forever.  
  
Elves unwilling because afraid of Valar.  
  
Oromë go among them and choose ambassadors who go to Valinor and speak for rest of Elves.  
  
He go "You, you, and you."  
  
You, you, and you be Ingwë, Finwë, and Elwë.  
  
They became kings.  
  
Ingwë, Finwë, and Elwë say "Awesome."  
  
They see Valar and go "Ooo! Pretty Valar! Pretty lights! We want to stay at Valinor."  
  
They go back and talk to Elves about pretty Valar and pretty lights.  
  
Elves divide though.  
  
Most go "Okay. We like pretty Valar and pretty lights. We will go to Valinor."  
  
They known as Eldar.  
  
Rest go "Nope. We like trees and stars. We stay. Bye bye."  
  
They known as Avari (the Unwilling).  
  
Eldar leave in three groups.  
  
Smallest and first group be Ingwë's group.  
  
Ingwë be most high lord.  
  
Ingwë say "Even more awesome."  
  
Kindred Elves he lead called Vanyar, the Fair People.  
  
Vanyar say "We're very fair. Pretty fair. See our hair?"  
  
Manwë and Varda go "Ooo. For no clear reason whatsoever, we decide we like them best."  
  
Next group is Noldor, the Deep Elves.  
  
Led by Finwë.  
  
Noldor say "We're not shallow. We're deep. Very deep. DEEP."  
  
Aulë go "Ooo. For also no clear reason whatsoever, I decide I like them best."  
  
Biggest group is last: the Teleri, the Sea-elves.  
  
Led by Elwë and his brother, Olwë.  
  
Teleri say "We like the sea. And we like to sing. A lot. And we're good. We could win American Idol." (well, maybe not the last sentence..)  
  
Teleri iffy on Valinor issue.  
  
They say "Hm. To go or not to go? Let's just walk and sing. The answer will come to us....eventually."  
  
All those Elves go to Valinor in uttermost West and called Calaquendi, Elves of the Light.  
  
Some Elves got lost.  
  
Or decide not to go.  
  
Or lingered.  
  
Thus stay in Middle-Earth.  
  
Calaquendi call those Elves the Úmanyar.  
  
Call both Úmanyar and Avari, the Moriquendi, Elves of the Darkness.  
  
Because they never see the Light.  
  
March to Valinor long and slow.  
  
Led by Oromë.  
  
And his horse Nahar.  
  
Elves journey many years.  
  
Find big big big river.  
  
Decide call it Anduin the Great.  
  
Elves encounter big tall scary mountains built by Melkor a while ago to hinder riding of Oromë.  
  
Nahar say "Pbbt to Melkor."  
  
One Elf rises and goes "Me no like scary mountains. People who no like scary mountains, follow me."  
  
Elf called Lenwë.  
  
Lots of Elves have names that end in "-wë", no?  
  
Elves that follow Lenwë called Nandor.  
  
Nandor also love water.  
  
Live by lots of water.  
  
And knows lots and lots of things about nature.  
  
Yavanna say "Go nature!"  
  
In after years, Denethor, son of Lenwë, lead Nandor west again and into Beleriand.  
  
Finally, Vanyar and Noldor cross over Blue Mountains (Ered Luin).  
  
And Teleri pass over Misty Mountains.  
  
Elwë hurry them and not wish to be sundered with Noldor.  
  
Elwë and Finwë best friends.  
  
Elwë say "I love you, Finwë!"  
  
Finwë go "...Ehh?"  
  
Elwë reply "Friendly way, of course."  
  
Finwë go "Ah."  
  
After more years, Teleri finally go over Ered Luin too.  
  
Stopped awhile and settle beyond River Gelion.  
  
Teleri like water way too much.  
  
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:D Like? No like? *points to review button below* You know you want to.. 


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